Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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