And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
