remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
