My sheets look like a crime scene.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
