She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
