I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
