apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
