well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
