I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
