My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
