apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
