I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
