He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
