O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
