Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
