I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
