Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
