I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
