I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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