please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
