well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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