I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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