Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
