I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
