I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
