if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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