Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
