i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
