literally had 100 drinks last night.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
