normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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