Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
