I must be too annoying 4 u.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
