i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
