Where are you?
In a non slutty way
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
