Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
