Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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