Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
