Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
