Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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