It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
