i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
