even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Success! We fucked roommates!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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