True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
