i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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