it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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