dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
