Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
