How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
