in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
