how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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