soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
