K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
