i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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