careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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