3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
