Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
